This week’s parsha, Yitro, is centered around a moment in which G!d shares the Ten Commandments with the Israelites while appearing as a cloud of smoke and thunder. It is a majestic moment, filled with fire, earthquakes, and the deep sound of a shofar getting louder and louder as G!d approaches the Israelites. Right before G!d shares the Ten Commandments with the Israelites, G!d says, “You shall have no other god beside Me. You shall not make for yourself a sculptured image, or any likeness of what is in the heavens above, or on the earth below, or in the waters under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God…”
Another translation reads, “I, the Lord your G!d, am a zealous G!d,” while a third reads “I, the Lord your G!d, am an impassioned G!d.” In all three translations, there is a sense of self-awareness in who G!d is, a vulnerable moment of sharing G!dself with the Israelites. In other words, G!d says, here is how I want to be treated, because of who I am. As I read these lines, I thought about a moment a few weeks ago, when I led a training with Matir Asurim: Jewish Care Network for Incarcerated People.
The training was centered around entering a penpal friendship with someone who is incarcerated, and navigating some of the power dynamics that may arise. My co-facilitator and I stressed the importance of setting clear boundaries at the outset of a pen pal friendship. We shared examples of what it looks like to set boundaries around time commitment, personal information, whether or not to send commissary money or books, and more.
“We need to treat our penpals with respect that indicates we recognize the fullness of their humanity,” I told the attendees, “just like we would in any other friendship in our lives.” I encouraged the participants to be realistic in thinking about their capacity to hold a pen pal friendship, and be honest with their pen pal about their wants and needs.
When I read the line, “I, the Lord Your God, am a jealous/zealous/impassioned God…,” I was reminded of the self-awareness needed to set boundaries in a relationship. Although G!d is not always a perfect role model for how we should behave, this is a moment in which we can see self-awareness and honesty being reflected in G!d’s words to the Israelites. G!d admits that G!d is jealous/zealous/impassioned, and asks to be treated a certain way in order to remain in relationship with the Israelites.
What do we need to know about ourselves to recognize how we want to be treated? How can we be honest about our capacity in our friendships, partnerships, and familial relationships? In relationships with loved ones––be they partners, family members, friends, coworkers or roommates––setting boundaries can be an indicator of trust and commitment. If we want to remain in loving relationships, sometimes, we need to set limits on what we can offer one another. There is a line that I like about the importance of setting boundaries: “Boundaries help create the space I need to keep loving you.”