“By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept…when we remembered Zion...” Psalm 137
On Tisha B’Av, we are invited to cry. So often in [white] American culture, we are told that expressing grief is shameful. We are told to be strong, hide our tears, deny our pain and ignore our discomfort. Tisha B’Av, which translates as the “ninth of [the Jewish month of] Av,” offers us the chance to contradict these expectations, and provides a day of mourning and healing for Jewish people everywhere.
Beginning at sundown on Saturday, July 17th until Sunday, July 18th, Tisha B’Av traditionally commemorates the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem in 568 B.C.E. and 70 C.E. Over centuries, Tisha B’Av has grown to include other tragedies, including the expulsion of Jews from Spain in 1492, massacres in medieval Jewish communities, the Holocaust, and more. The holiday is traditionally observed through rituals similar to those of Yom Kippur - fasting from food and drink, abstaining from sex and bathing, not wearing leather or using animal products, and not using creams, oils or makeup. Following the traditional observance, work is avoided, as are pleasurable activities and gift-giving. Tisha B’Av has been described as the saddest day of the Jewish calendar, more so than Yom Kippur or any other traditional fast day.
This year, we have much to mourn. We mourn the impact of COVID-19 in our minds and bodies, and the lack of adequate care for those most affected. We mourn the profoundly broken systems of healthcare, childcare, education and work, the inequalities of which have been exasperated by the pandemic. We mourn the harm done against Black and Indigenous people, immigrants, trans people, disabled people and more. We mourn military violence against Palestinians, and the occupation of their homes and lands. We mourn racism, capitalism, and patriarchy in our daily struggles for survival. We mourn the destruction of the environment, the extraction of natural resources and the degradation of the land, plants and living creatures whose interconnectedness is the only way we can survive. Each of us has individual losses that we have collected over the course of the year. We have each experienced heartbreak, sickness, death and pain. We have watched our loved ones deal with hardship and we have suffered ourselves.
Tisha B’Av offers us the chance to meet this grief exactly where we are. Jewish tradition gives us permission to mourn, which provokes a deeper question: have we given ourselves permission to mourn? Have we given ourselves time to immerse in grief, pity, anger and loss? Have we given ourselves the chance to be angry, and deeply hold that anger in our bodies? Have we given ourselves the chance to know loss in the depths of our bones?
On Tisha B’Av, Jewish tradition tells us: we are worthy of mourning. We deserve the chance to grieve, to sit with our emotions and express them as we need to: through tears, writing, prayer, meditation, and honest conversations with ourselves and the people we care about.
Psalm 137, which we read as part of the traditional Tisha B’Av liturgy, says:
עַ֥ל נַהֲר֨וֹת ׀ בָּבֶ֗ל שָׁ֣ם יָ֭שַׁבְנוּ גַּם־בָּכִ֑ינוּ בְּ֝זׇכְרֵ֗נוּ אֶת־צִיּֽוֹן׃
By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat, sat and wept, as we thought of Zion.
עַֽל־עֲרָבִ֥ים בְּתוֹכָ֑הּ תָּ֝לִ֗ינוּ כִּנֹּרוֹתֵֽינוּ׃
There on the poplar trees we hung up our harps,
כִּ֤י שָׁ֨ם שְֽׁאֵל֢וּנוּ שׁוֹבֵ֡ינוּ דִּבְרֵי־שִׁ֭יר וְתוֹלָלֵ֣ינוּ שִׂמְחָ֑ה שִׁ֥ירוּ לָ֝֗נוּ מִשִּׁ֥יר צִיּֽוֹן׃
for our captors asked us there for songs, our tormentors, for amusement, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion.”
אֵ֗יךְ נָשִׁ֥יר אֶת־שִׁיר־יְהֹוָ֑ה עַ֝֗ל אַדְמַ֥ת נֵכָֽר׃
How can we sing a song of the Lord on foreign soil?
In Psalm 137, we are invited to cry, and join our ancestors in their weeping when they are in their Babylonian exile. Like our ancestors, on Tisha B’Av, we are weeping. We long for a home - not a specific place, but a home in which our spirits can feel safe and joyful. This home will be strengthened by the knowledge of the losses we have endured.
Just as Tisha B’Av tells us we are worthy of grieving, it tells us: we are worthy of healing. We are worthy of learning what comes after grief. We are worthy of seeing the hope and joy that peeks out from the other side. We are worthy of acknowledging our pain, holding it close to us, and then letting it go as the sun sets and the day closes.
Although Tisha B’Av is a day of mourning, it is also a day filled with the promise of relief and release. By allowing ourselves to mourn, we can glimpse the sight of redemption. Not just for ourselves, but for the world as a whole. Through an honest expression of loss, we can begin our journey towards freedom, healing for ourselves and each other.